my eyes vs. my heart

He turns 4 tomorrow….. FOUR years old??! Seems like I made this 1st birthday slide show yesterday… 😦

These birthdays are bittersweet. We have so much to celebrate, yet they also are a reminder of skills that are lacking.

To be real with you, at the time of his brain injury or even his first birthday, if I would have pictured him at age four I would have pictured him a little further along…like at least be able to sit up alone and crawl. But I was believing for more than that.
And I certainly would not have ever considered the possibility of such a setback before his 4th birthday as the one we recently encountered. I wouldn’t have deemed it a possibility that seizures would suddenly return. And would have thought it impossible he’d lose the words and praises that we had waited so long to hear and had celebrated and rejoiced over time and time again.
BUT God!! I know so many have been praying these past couple of months. Over Judah. And over us…
Because I do see with my eyes that he’s back on the medication we once celebrated coming off of. And I see with my eyes that he isn’t communicating like he once did. And I see with my eyes his sadness when he hears a song he recognizes and loves and isn’t able to sing along.  I see with my eyes that we have a ways to go.  I see with my eyes that my life didn’t go quite as I had planned or pictured…  
But with my heart I see Judah and feel a love for him unlike other loves.
And in my heart I see victory. In my heart I see my miracle.  In my heart I see breakthroughs.
And in my heart I see God is turning things around.

Happy Birthday, my sweet miracle boy ~ Judah Forrest James Dearey

“I’ll put muscle in the people of Judah; I know their pain and will make them good as new. They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing had ever happened. And why? Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them.” ~Zechariah 10:6