Lord, help me!

There seems to be at least one moment of every single day that I cry out, “Lord! I just don’t know if I can do all of this another day! This is SO hard!”

Usually my next thought is, “How have we even made it this far??!  Gracious! Judah will be five years old next month! Amazing!

Caring for a child with special needs isn’t a cake-walk. It’s a full time job. And when you have 6 other children looking to you for care as well….it’s…just…a…LOT!

 The other night, Judah was awake for almost 4 hours in the night. Brain spasms woke him up and he felt disoriented and wouldn’t go back to sleep. 😦
In the last 12 months we can count on one hand how many nights Judah has had a full night of rest without the interruption of seizures.  These seizures are discouraging.  The medical world doesn’t have answers or solutions. We are crying out for a miracle and divine direction from our Father.
It’s hard. It’s hard wondering what Judah would be like had this not happened. It’s a mental discipline to not allow myself to stay stuck in the what-if’s but instead celebrate the small victories and say, “ok God, what NOW?”

 

BUT it’s brought light and understanding to 2 Corinthians 12:10 – So I am well pleased with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, and with difficulties, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am strong [truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God’s strength].

I didn’t care for that verse.  At all.  I mean, it’s really not a warm cozy, feel-good verse.  My flesh doesn’t always feel like “counting it all joy” when my son is throwing a tantrum and unable to communicate his needs to us.  I don’t want to feel “well pleased” with my weakness when I am spoon-feeding my almost 5-yr-old each and every day.  BUT, I am learning how to fall back into my Father’s lap and draw strength.  I’m learning more and more how to daily be dependent on HIS strength rather than my own. And I’m learning to take it one day at at time instead of being overwhelmed and consumed with the big picture.  His mercies really are new every morning.  He’s working.  I know He has a plan.  And my job is to simply trust Him.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” ~James 1:2